I am addicted to becoming a fan of dumb stuff on Facebook. When I say dumb, I'm talking "Can this cow's arse get more fans than Katie Price" dumb. Which I really hope it can, so at least I'm be-fanning things I actually, 100% legitimately believe in. I think that other Facebookers should and deserve to know the truth about me. This is very important; I would like to think that I am honest in all that I do. For example, I DO redo high fives if they weren't good enough the first time, and YES, I DO want everyone to know this fact. Just in case we do a high five and they aren't sure if redo-ing it is an option I would consider, and I go in for it ans they are surprised, I can say "You should check my Facebook profile more often you silly person! Of course we redo this shit!" This is not the most important, or the funniest of my Facebook fan pages. Some range from those advocating serious issues facing Britain today (eg. "I used to like snow. But then 2010 took it too far"), my religious beliefs (eg. "Dear Lord, May Taylor Lautner never find his shirt again. Amen"), my lamenti for lost youth ("You've changed", or indeed "im sorry i'm not as pretty or as smart as her" which really should have an "fml" at the end of its title.) I recently became a fan of "Manning Up", something I forget to do in times of need, but demand in othe people when they whine more than me. "if Cheryl Cole gets cheated on, then we've got no hope" is a real concern for many women today, as is the fact that "when I was your age, Freddos were 10p". The recession hits everyone, in its own little ways. I feel that, via Facebook, my stance on certain social issues will be heard, "SHES 14, YOUR 18, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE" illustrates my point exactly. Some fan pages were created by someone out there who knows my life; "1...2...3...Smile! *smiling for ages*......Oh, it's on video" happens to me every Friday night. I have, in my be-fanning endeavour, have also discovered that Kelis' classic "Milkshake" can and will be used in ways I've never imagined to say things I have never dreamed of. "My potato brings all the Irish to the yard & they're like that famine was hard" is one of the more insensitive pages, but its creator is nothing short of a creative genius. "My haggis brings all the Scots to the zoo and they're like och aye the noo" and "how full is this yard getting?!" further prove my point. "Shaggy, I'm sure it was you" and "God created Saturn...and he liked it, so he put a ring on it" keep the Facebook experience retro and topical musically, in a way that is both humourous and so true, so true. The next stage I think is creating my own. I have my ideas narrowed down to the following:
1. Laurels: Are YOU resting on YOURS?
2. Barbour Jackets remind me of Scout Tents.
3. The 3 Dreaded Words: "Library Circulation Notice"
4. I didn't think "better" and "cheddar" rhymed until Sean Kingston taught me otherwise.
5. My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. I'm very good at making milkshakes.
6. Christopher Columbus would have discovered America much sooner if he had the iPhone Free Compass App.
7. People who go on Jeremy Kyle chat smack and it entertains me
AND THAT'S NOT ALL!
8. If someone tags a good picture of me but there are other bitches in it, I will cut them out of my profile picture.
9. Can this recycling bin full of post-lash chunder get more fans than the sausage roll that is attempting to get more fans than Cheryl Cole?
10. Becoming A Fan
11. Got An Issue? Get A Tissue.
I just really enjoy the irony of someone sitting down and becoming a fan of "Becoming A Fan". I might start that one right now. If you see it on a Facebook Home site near you, you'll know who to blame.
Till next time....
Chao outside
